Time heals... right?

Today Mac completely broke my heart.

After we buried Hemi, we went and picked Mac up at my in-laws. We took him home and he didn't realize  until an hour or so later that Hemi was missing.  He asked us where Hemi was and we told him Hemi had gone to heaven. He didn't really ask anything about it.

The following day, he asked me where Hemi was again and so I told him Hemi was gone to heaven. He asked me "Hemi gone heaven?" twice and I confirmed it, feeling like crap but trying to not show it.

Today was a better day. I didn't spend the whole day trying not to cry, I worked, I was starting to feel a little better, and I was even able to talk about it a little bit without bawling. Then I went and picked up Mac at my moms and when we got home, he asked me where Daddy was (the truck wasn't in the driveway). Just as he asked, I saw the truck come around the corner and head towards us so I pointed and said that Daddy was coming. Just as I said this, the neighbours dog barked. Mac lit right up and yelled Hemi and then started looking for him.

Did you hear that? That was the sound of my heart shattering. Again. So much for thinking we were going to get off easy in the explaining it to Mac department. So I told him again that Hemi was gone forever, to heaven. He looked at me for a minute then said "Hemi bite?" in sort of a questioning way. So I told him "Yes, Hemi bit you, so Hemi had to go away, but Hemi was still a very good dog and we loved him very much". He repeated "Hemi gone" a few times then let it go.

After supper tonight, I was scrolling through the photos on my computer and he was watching me (he loves to look at photos) and he saw one of Hemi. He asked me "Mac see Hemi?" so I showed him a few pictures. Then I tried to scroll out of Hemi's photos and he got really upset and almost started crying "I SEE HEMI!!!"

Does anyone have a bandaid big enough for my heart? Because not only am I dealing with the loss of my fur baby, I'm also dealing with taking away my son's best buddy.


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