Broken

My heart is aching right now.  Friday around four o'clock there was a serious car accident five minutes away from our home on a stretch of highway that several loved ones travel each day to and from work. Thankfully, no one I know was involved, however someone Harry grew up with lost a wife. They have a two and three year old.   I can't imagine the horror this poor man must be going through. Mac still asks me about Hemi and it's been a year since we put him down and that was just a dog. Imagine grieving the loss of a spouse, all the while having to explain and re-explain to your children that Mommy isn't coming home. Ever?? And what about those poor kids?? They'll never know their mom. All they'll have is vague memories in the depths of their minds of someone that was too briefly a part of their lives. And Christmas is approaching.  My stomach just churns at the thought of it.

What if that were me?? My heart can't take the thought of my children not remembering me. Maybe that's selfish, but I want to be the one that sees them through their first day of kindergarten, first day of high school, sends them to college, celebrates their weddings. But if nothing else, this has re-enforced the fact that pretty much nothing is in my control.

It also got me thinking though. If I were gone tomorrow, what would I want my kids to know?? What sort of legacy would I leave them.  This isn't intended to be gruesome or anything, but I started making a mental list of things I would want for my kids.

 I want them to have a strong faith and a good moral compass.I want them to have the courage to stand up for themselves and their convictions, regardless of what other people are going to say/do. I want them to know that I love them more than I ever thought it was possible and in a way I never knew existed. Both of them make my day so much brighter, make me laugh more than I ever thought I could and have taught me more about life than I ever knew before.

Events like this make me want to grab both my children and hold them forever. They are so precious to me and each and every moment with them is a gift.
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