Shark Week

Disclaimer: If you are one of those people who are uncomfortable reading about normal (what is that anyway?) human bodily function, then this is certainly not the post for you. Probably not the blog either, come to think about it. So be forewarned. Shark week isn't about the Discovery Channel theme programming.

Does anyone else feel like their post children hormonal cycle is a total goat rodeo? I know that pregnancy and nursing mess with your hormones (oh how I know!) but fo reals, peeps. What the heck!? Isaac is three years old now! Pretty soon, I won't be able to blame him anymore!

For one week out of every month it seems that all the people in my life have made a pact to become extra irritating, pretend to be completely ignorant and they top it off by being four thousand times more demanding. My kids seem to forget any sense of propriety or etiquette that I have painstakingly drilled into their heads taught them, and my husband is blindingly oblivious to my need for space (space is defined as baths drawn for me each night served with a bottle of chilled white wine and enjoyed in complete and utter silence, without the sound of little fists pounding at the door and whining voices asking if they can join me), unconditional servitude and complete and total compliance to any whim that crosses my hormonally supercharged obviously rational mind.

It's everyone else, right? It couldn't possibly be me. 

Seriously though, I totally know it's me. Today, I nearly had a complete mental and emotional breakdown over things that happen all the time here. 

I swear every time the boys talked to me, they did it at exactly the same time, wanted two completely different things, and wanted them immediately. Isaac changed his mind three times about his choice for food at lunch time, and Mac wouldn't stop asking me Minecraft questions. I finally kicked them both outside. Isaac's little friend came over and played with him, which was great.  Two more kids immediately showed up to play with Mac, but at this point my tiny yard was way too full, and my frayed nerves were snapping one by one. After supper Mac's friend came over and played Minecraft on the Xbox with him which I have never done before as I believe that the two minutes of summer we get here should be spent outside. Mac got so excited that he was jumping up and down on the couch next to me. I may or may not have threatened to break both his knees if he didn't sit down. His reaction? "Hahaha... you wouldn't really break my legs would you, Mom?" 

Most days I handle the insanity with some humour, a few eyerolls, and when things get really stressful, I hide in the bathroom with my phone and pretend to be pooping. 

Coincidentally, this is Isaac's favourite part of the movie.
He laughs his butt off through this whole scene.
The kid is warped.
Today? This. Exactly this. Every time I closed my eyes, a little imaginary film would be projected onto the inside of my eye lids of me going totally postal and hulking out.

The worst part? I am completely aware of how irrational I am. Which just makes me angrier. 

I made a doctors appointment a few months back to discuss it and I just happened to get in during "shark week". All that meant was that while I was talking to my doctor about my irritability, I was also sniffling back tears. Because hormones, y'all.  So someone, please tell me this gets better. Please tell me I won't just float through middle age getting all pissy and aggravated each month, only to plunge headfirst into the tsunami that is menopause. 

I cried because of a cute puppy video the other day. Someone please, just shoot me.


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